US Open 2010 Fashion Grades (Women)

The ladies have always gotten to do more then the men with their kits, but the women I know who hit balls want to look good.

Stella McCartney has finally hit the spot with Sunshine by actually designing something that fits her body. The shorter dress accentuates her legs, and the simpler lines complement her figure. And they actually depart from monochrome.

Grade: A

Shrieka's dresses continue to accent her skinny figure. I don't think the collars work. But kudos for Nike for the colors: retro with anthracite and rattan.

Grade: A-

The night dress is a variation of the day dress but ink with black and solar flare. This color combination doesn't provide enough contrast to be as interesting as the day dress. Can't you tell that underneath all that fierceness is a real goofball?

Grade: B+

Since ReeRee is injured, Vika gets to wear the dress that ReeRee would have worn. Nike seems not to care whether or not Vika wears the "night" dress during the day. Since she fainted in the middle of her second round match and had to be taken off in a wheel chair, one wonders whether she should have worn the day dress. The poor thing must be disappointed after having a great summer.

Grade: A-



It's a pity that we won't get to see the day dress on someone live.

Grade: A-

Good Nails was around for one set, crushing returns; and then Bad Nails showed up to spray balls in the last two sets of her first rounder. We won't get to see her functional kit long enough.

Grade: B

Adidas has taken a step up by allowing Ms. Fistpumps to use 4 colors: white, black, purple and pink.

Grade: B

Adidas steps out on a limb and puts Courage in purple. It actually works better on the ladies than their attempt to do so with Nando earlier this year.

Grade: B

Anta must think Lady JaJa secretly wants to wear an Adidas kit. It's a pity that it's been so hot and humid that she can't look glamorous sweating up a storm.

Grade: B

Vee continues to blur the line between a nightie and a tennis dress with her shiny black lace dress. At least she isn't flashing flesh-colored knickers.

Grade: B+

Vee goes unconventional with her day kit: it looks perfect for going to the beach. Just for creativity

Grade: A-

Sam's LaCoste whites are professional as the Hammer should be.

Grade: B+

The purple version of the same kit works even better. See how hard it is to tweak a design.

Grade: A-

Is Mum Train's Fila kit camouflauge? The diagonal stripes against the blue work.

Grade: A-

Wimbledon 2010: Fashion Grades (Ladies)

Wimbledon's "almost entirely white" dress code has given fairly narrow parameters for what can be worn on court. But as any artiste will tell you, narrow parameters ought to be an outlet for creativity. Ask any haiku poet what can be done with so little space. The sponsors for the pros this year have the opportunity to deck out folks in some interesting kits (with the approval of the All England Club). So here come fashion grades which are below their respective pictures.

Ever since Nike took over the designs for ReeRee's dress ReeRee decided to trust Nike's designers, ReeRee's kits have been excellent. The warmup top definitely departs from the traditional track suit or hoodie. Nor is it like anything the gentlemen's top seed has ever worn: blazer, jacket, or sweater. I'm not sure what to call it but classy it is (courtesy of Doots: it's a bolero).

It's great that her compression shorts offer a wonderful splash of color, which can't be said of the rest of the tour. It matches her laces and the piping on her dress.

Grade: A+

Shrieka, Nike's glamazon, follows the same theme as ReeRee with a cropped blazer.

The folds in her dress offer an elegant touch. Most of her dresses this year have had fairly vibrant colors. For Wimbly, it's all traditional with just white and black.

Grade: A

Nails looks cute as usual, wearing a functional tank and skirt with ruffles.

Grade: B+

Nothing too special about Vika's dress except the ruffling on the shoulder straps.

Grade: B+

Nor is there much special about Mum Train's dress.

Grade: B

When even Bethanie Mattek-Sands tones down her Under Armour dress, you know the ladies mean business.

Only thing unorthodox about Betty is her tats. The tube socks are to be expected from her. The lime green accents on the dress would seem to work well on anyone except her.

Grade: B

For the former Brit #1, Wilson has really stepped up their designs putting a white dress with yellow straps. This complements Anne Keothavong's tan. (Then again, I have a weakness for fist pumping Asian tennis gals with a sense of humor).

Grade: A-

Stella McCartney is the best Adidas can do with Caro. It's the same pattern that's won since Oz with a lace-like patterning but in white. The color actually works with Caro's skin and hair.

Grade: A-

When will Adidas realize that they have a swimsuit model in MaKiri? The red piping is nice on the Barricade tank top but it's time to move her to the more graceful Adilibria line.

Grade: B

Adidas has toned down the patterns in NaturAna's Adilibria dress. Yes, the leggings are part of the line, but they're not required with the dress. You have to squint to find anything beyond a plain white dress with pink contrast piping. Marginally more interesting than the Adidas kits shown so far.

Ok, Adidas needs to hire better designers not reshuffle their athletes around.

Grade: B+

Super Hero's Lacoste white dress can actually be bought (which couldn't be said of her Oz and RG dresses) by you the consumer. As expected, it looks suitably preppy.

Grade: A-

I doubt Nads can pull off the ballet dancer theme.

Grade: C

Although her movement is too gangly to qualify as balletic, Vee certainly has the body to look like a very tall ballet dancer. I like the print on the top of the dress but the fringes inspired by Tina Turner don't fit with the print.

Grade: B+

Now Lady JaJa does resemble a ballet dancer with her diva-ness and her movement. And the dress is the most successful effort.

Grade: A

Roland Garros 2010: Fashion Grades (Women)

Nike's golden gal, Shrieka, is going for a more plain vanilla look with mahogany and grey, and has ditched headgear. This is a definite improvement over her dress in Oz, but it doesn't seem to go all that well with her skin. B




Well, we don't get to see much of Vika's kit as she went out early in an epic collapse to Dulko. The stripes on the dress add a nice accent to the solid Aster Pink. Having the same color for the shoe laces seems overdone. All in all: nice without being boring. A-



I certainly hope we get to see more of Nails through Roland Garros. The Cool Mint color for her crew with a Marina Blue accent complements her skin well. I like the different colors for the layers of her skirt. A




Stella McCartney hasn't changed Caro's kit in 150000 years. F



NaturAna has been sporting the orange Adilibria dress for the clay season. Since the tank top in the same line comes in white and black, why can't Adidas pull off the same colors so that she can wear a different colored dress at RG than for the rest of the clay season? Still this one looks great on her. B+



Dani's Adidas tank comes from the same Adilibria line as NaturAna. The pattern they've added is subtle, and has to be seen up close. Keep it up Adidas, and you can keep up with your competitors from Oregon. A.



Allez Bitch has been wearing the same hot pink Adidas crew since Miami. While she's not exactly a fashion maven, it's really not too hard to change the color of one of her two pieces. Why not a white skirt with a pink top? Or a white crew with a pink skirt? B-



Lady Jaja appears to be donning a yellow version of the Anta dress she's been wearing all year. The skirt ruffles add a nice touch to an otherwise boring dress. B




The Marina Blue accented by Electric Green on ReeRee's dress could go well on a lot of different skins. Nike did a great job with the matching bandanna for her. A



Vee's black lace dress pushes the envelope, and prompted cat calls in the stadium. Sexy? Yes. Would any club player be caught dead wearing this on court? Probably not. Call me strait-laced, but I'd rather see this in the bedroom but not on the tennis court. D



In contrast, Sveta dressed like she was going to practice with dark shorts and a hot pink crew. This suits her earthy and tomboyish personality. Props to Fila for departing from the tried-and-true skirt/dress. A

OMG! They Won A Match!

Miss Ajde Fistpump won her 3rd match in a row, beating my pick for Rome, LenaD.



Best comment was by Matt Cronin:

"Hi Jelena. Oh, it's you Ana, I really thought Demenetieva played badly today. Good u don't have to play Venus like I do'

I didn't catch the match but according to some who did, she's playing a higher percentage tennis with more net clearance and spin. This could be taken as anything from boring grinding to pushing. Still given her inconsistency over the last two years, this is probably what the doctor ordered. For exhibits on how far being "regular" can take you, see Rafa, Caro, ARod and Muzz. If you want to go back in history, see Rosewall, Borg, Vilas, Lendl and Wilander. At some point, she'll probably have to relearn when to go for the kill. But if I were Herr Gunhardt, let's just wait til she gets back in the top 20. She needs some Ws to climb the rankings ladder.

NaturAna faces Nads next. She has nothing to lose as she has already had a great tournament. Ana, whether or not you win or lose tomorrow, just repeat and rinse consistency next week and you'll keep your fans happy. Update: now her fans are going apeshit as she beat Nads 2 and 5 to advance to the semis to face the cunning Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez. She actually has a chance to get to the finals!

This douchbag is a lot further up the rankings ladder.



He comfortably beat the fastest man that Agassi has ever played, three and four. Phau's best chance was when he had triple break point in the 1st set when Fed was defending his service break. But as we've come to expect from Fed, he stepped up and saved all the break points to hold serve.

It isn't supposed to be a shock for him to win a match but looking at his recent losses, it is. After winning a certain hard court tourney in Oz and then getting a lung infection, he has had an uncharacteristic W-L record of 1-3. In two of those losses he failed to convert match points. In the last of those, Gulbis Inc. and the RF Charity traded service breaks at the end of the 3rd set. Perhaps he got enough of the evil eye from Mirka, a certain portion of his fans or even Bozo. Whatever. The Greatest Shanker of All Time ought to remember: "Hey, I'm Darth Federer. Winning tennis matches is just another day at the office for me." Keep it up Fed, and you won't have to mail Le Coupe des Mousquetaires to Mallorca.

Rome: AnaKADs Rejoice!

It's been awhile when we've seen a celebratory fist pump



Whatever Herr Heinz Gunthardt is doing must be working.




Happily for her, she ain't sitting on her bench like this after match.



Indeed, she served up a breadstick and then gave up three games.

Then she proceeded to win a tight one (4 and 4) over a Vika struggling with a leg injury. Perhaps hitting together last week helped her a bit.



But, wouldn't you think that if you were a pro, you wouldn't be surprised too much by anyone else's game by now?


We'll see if she's ready to turn into a WTA superhero.



After she plays this chick who I think might win the whole thing.




Props to Ana for winning two matches in a WTA Premier event! Just keep winning the next one, take a deep breath, don't think too hard about the occasion and you can start climbing back up the rankings ladder.

Ivanovic as a Pet

Check out this choice line from Bozo's latest blog entry.

Ivanovic meets the world with a smile, and her laughter is unmistakably nervous; I take all that as a sublimation of her essential shyness. You just know that someone so prone to the breathless and cheerful has something to hide - herself. And that's not a criticism. The behaviors are a psychic olive branch, offered by one who's not entirely comfortable as the center of attention, perhaps not even in her own skin. If it could be done in a seemly, lady-like manner, Ivanovic would probably roll onto her back at the sight of you, exposing her tummy with her paws in the air.

I'd sure like to tickle that tummy.